Part of: 2025 Nellie Wong Magic of Movies Essay Contest
Watching Violet Du Feng’s documentary The Dating Game (2025) was unexpectedly emotional for me. On the surface, it’s about three bachelors-Zhou, Li, and Wu-as they attend a seven day dating bootcamp in ChongQing, China, led by the bold dating coach Hao and his more grounded wife, Wen. But beneath the humor and awkward moments lies a deeper story about loneliness, gender imbalance, and the pressure to perform in a society still shaped by the aftereffects of the one-child policy. I didn’t expect to relate to their stories. But as someone with a deep drive to become a doctor and the daughter of immigrant parents who’ve sacrificed so much, I saw reflections of my own journey in theirs-especially the tension between ambition and identity.
I’ve always known I wanted to go into medicine. Growing up as a first-generation student, with parents who never had the chance to go to college, my path has never been just about me. It’s also been about honoring the dreams they put on hold to build a life for me here-they gave me the space to dream of a life bigger than the one they had. I’ve thrown myself into every opportunity I could find-volunteering in a brain imaging lab, helping out in a kindergarten classroom, leading clubs, interning at a summer camp. I do it all not just to “get into a good college,” but because I genuinely care about helping people and being of service. Still, The Dating Game made me pause and ask: What if I burn out before I even get there? What if, in trying to make my family proud, I lose parts of myself along the way?
Zhou’s journey in the film was especially moving. He’s soft-spoken, introverted, and thoughtful-but in the dating camp, he’s pushed to act more assertive and charismatic. Hao encourages him to practice confident body language, memorize pickup lines, and even buy new clothes that match a flashier persona. But the more Zhou tries to be someone else, the more defeated he seems. I found myself thinking: How many times have I done the same thing? Put on the “perfect” version of myself-the hard-working student, the passionate volunteer, the future doctor-even when I was overwhelmed or unsure?
The film also made me think about family, something I often push to the side when focusing on school. Wen, the coach’s wife, gently challenges the performative aspects of the camp. She encourages the men to prioritize emotional maturity and honesty over charm. Her presence was a quiet reminder that real connection, whether romantic or not, starts with authenticity. With everything I juggle-school, leadership, sports, volunteering-I wonder: will I have time to build a relationship? Will I meet someone who understands this life, who sees me, not just what I’ve achieved?
The Dating Game didn’t change my desire to become a doctor, but it did reshape how I think about the path ahead. It reminded me that ambition shouldn’t come at the cost of authenticity. I want to care for others, yes-but I also want to care for myself. I also want to live fully, love deeply, and stay grounded in who I am. My goal hasn’t changed, but my perspective has: I don’t just want to make it-I want to make it whole.