(2024 Nellie Wong Magic of Movies Essay Contest)
Make Art, Morgan!
I struggled to choose one film. I told myself that I needed to choose the most abstract film so that I could write a sophisticated and complicated essay. Ironically, I chose the film about feeling pressured to fit a mold as an artist. Like the main character Reese’s friend, Venus, I used to draw every single day, mapping out ideas in my mind and then drawing, painting, or sculpting them without hesitation. But my subconscious had already realized others only saw value in my ability to entertain. I became competitive; my passion for art turned into jealousy and self-criticism. I felt a volatile urge to replicate or ‘improve’ any visual, literary, or musical piece. I held myself to standards that could only be reached with the patience Venus had, unlike me. Then, the pandemic began. The longer my already struggling eleven-year-old self was isolated, the more erratic and depressed I became. I lost the ability to function and create without becoming angry, panicking, and shutting down.
Make Art, Reese! captures a process that has taken me five or six years in under ten minutes. I saw myself in Reese, the main character; seeing magnificent, powerful art, feeling so much, seeing myself, questioning my own abilities, and feeling pressured to create a “masterpiece.” Reese receives encouragement and ideas from their friends. I loved the montage of responses when characters were asked what they want to see, and what they think others want to see, in art. Every answer was different, but all indirectly proved that people want to see themselves reflected in art. We are all blind to our connection with each other. Throughout my life, I have seen injustice and erasure, and so I have been a mirror for others, helping them to feel understood and appreciated. But art isn’t really about serving others, is it?
While Reese overcame the frustration that stopped them from painting, I have yet to. I still have rare bursts of motivation that miraculously bring me to create. Maybe I’ve left visual art out of hopelessness. But I’ve found poetry; my words flow with ease and create visuals as detailed as the paintings I’ve longed to create. I’ve sang all my life, but now I’ve found my voice and it is powerful. And I’ve found photography. Being disabled, I’ve needed to find accessible forms of expression which don’t bring such frustration that I burn out and leave my work indefinitely untouched. Watching this film has reminded me that I don’t need to be anything, my self-expression is mine to define. I am fifteen years old, and as long as I am alive, I have time. If I take care of and express myself as I am, and that encourages others to do the same, I have been all I need to be, and I have been an artist.