by Conor Boscardin
Nai Nai & Wai Po
22 days. It’s been 22 days since he’s left. It’s been 26 days since I said, “I love you,” to him. It’s been 14 days since I’ve stopped crying every night. It’s been 14 days since I went to the SF Film Festival. It’s been 14 days since I’ve seen Nǎi Nai & Wài Pó, one of the most beautiful tributes to a loved one I’ve ever seen. Throughout the showing, I experienced multiple emotions. Most importantly, this showing evoked the grief that I didn’t really fully acknowledge up until that point. It brought the realization that he was gone. It brought the realization that Christmas won’t be the same. Visiting won’t be the same. Thanksgiving won’t be the same. I realized that I’ll never be able to show him my rowing again. I realized that I’ll never be able to show him my piano playing again. I realized that the time spent with him were moments in life that I should’ve cherished more. I realized that I should’ve learned to play Gomoku with him like Mom always said. I realized that I should’ve made more time to learn Korean like I always wanted to. I always wanted to be able to have a full conversation with him. These are all regrets that have been burdening my shoulders over the past 22 days, their weight crushing my thoughts.
Fortunately, 2 weeks ago, when I saw Nǎi Nai & Wài Pó, I was reminded to let my regrets leave me. I was reminded to cherish the memories of him. I was reminded that there is still so much to remember about him. I was reminded to celebrate all the good he put out into the world. I was reminded to remember his generosity. I was reminded of all the sacrifices he made for his kids to have a good life. Most importantly, I was reminded of the fact that he loved me, and everyone else in my family. He saw the good in people and that is one of the basic beliefs I uphold every day. In these past 14 days, I have chosen to celebrate him and all the good he has done for everyone around him. Nǎi Nai & Wài Pó has prompted the thought in me. “Do you want to grieve in regret or celebrate the life they lived?”
In these past 22 days, I have missed my grandfather. Not a single day has passed where I haven’t thought of him. Instead of grieving though, I thought of the fact that he would’ve wanted me to go out and put out the good that he tried to put out every day. Through Nǎi Nai & Wài Pó, I have realized that this is how to celebrate the life of someone great.